I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
