i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
3pm strippers are depressing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
