Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
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No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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