chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
drinking out of a sandbucket again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
