just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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