Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
