You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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