a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
