I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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