she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?