I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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