is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
