omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men