Do you still have your period?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
