ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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