Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
