Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
