there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.