I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.