I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
