Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
