think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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