Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
