y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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