ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
