alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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