When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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