OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
