I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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