Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
