I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
