just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
