Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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