Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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