There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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