My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
