Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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