Don't you send me to vm
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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