I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
