you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
