I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
