"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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