the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
