her vagine was all disorganized.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
