Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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