Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
