Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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