I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You dont lie about slip and slides
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
