i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
