I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
