I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
