tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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