I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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