She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
