Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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