He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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