and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
