k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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