This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
