whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ketchup is God's man juice
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
