Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
