just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
