If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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