So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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