I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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