i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
