I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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