Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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