Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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