I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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