did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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