Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
