I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
