Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
