Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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