I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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